The four dual themes that Buddhist psychology identifies as eight worldly anxieties form the root of these childhood strategies:
- Gain – Loss
- Praise – Criticism
- Pleasure – Pain
- Ün – Kötü ün
A child's behavioral pattern is often an attempt to protect themselves from these four pairs.
For example:
"I don't want to be criticized" → perfectionism
"I don't want to lose it" → excessive conformity
"I don't want to suffer" → suppressing emotions
This protective measure is temporary. But the scars it leaves on the body can become permanent.
So how can we let go of these patterns that don't work today?
Quitting isn't a decision; it's a physical healing process.
Here are three key approaches that facilitate this process:
The body carries past experiences in our muscles, our breath, and the way we hold our bodies. Therefore, the first step is awareness:
- How does my body react when this person/event comes to mind?
- Where do I feel trapped, where do I feel empty?
- How is my breathing changing?
Observation → Regulation → Resolution
This trio is the key to change. Breathing exercises (sending safe signals to the nervous system) come into play right here.
Opening the diaphragm, rhythmic and connected breathing:
- It activates the vagus nerve,
- It brings emotions to the surface.
- It deciphers old records,
- It reduces the body's perception of threat.
Many people say after breathing exercises: "It feels like a burden I've been carrying in my heart for years has been lifted."
This is essentially the nervous system beginning to say "the danger has passed."
With Peace and Love
Sibel Kavunoğlu
