We may experience injustice at different times in life. Someone oversteps their boundaries, breaks a promise, disregards our efforts, or spreads gossip… At that moment, anger naturally arises. This is not a problem. Emotion is a part of life. It shows us where our boundaries lie.
But the main point is this:
What happens if the anger remains inside us even after the event has passed?
The incident ends. People go their separate ways. No one touches anyone anymore. But the fire inside doesn't die down. This is where the two layers of emotion become visible.
1) Personal emotion stemming from the event; This is easy to understand: Something happened → I felt sad, I felt angry. This is an emotion that belongs to us. The brain records this as information.
"This isn't safe, be careful." Therefore, anger is actually a **protective mechanism**.
It wants to protect our hearts. But then the second layer comes. This is 2) the feeling that comes from the collective.
Throughout human history, there has been an accumulation of "collective anger": therefore, anger is not just my anger. If injustice, inequality, disempowerment, being ignored, and suppression are prevalent in the society you live in, passed down from generation to generation, the degree of anger intensifies even further.
Therefore, when an event is triggered, the collective field is also activated. That's why we sometimes say:
"This anger doesn't feel like it's mine; it's something much bigger..."
Yes. Because sometimes that's really the case.
So which anger is mine?
There is a very simple but very wise way to understand this. We remind ourselves of the following:
"This experience doesn't define me. It's just an event. You, on the other hand, are a human being with values, capable of making choices, with a heart, and possessing a holistic understanding of life."
Because allowing an event to define you diminishes the power of your own values.
The body is very wise: Emotion comes, lasts 90 seconds, then passes.
If we don't constantly reinforce the feelings associated with the experience with thoughts like, "How could they do that?", "I'll never forgive them!", "I didn't deserve that!", the emotion will resolve itself.
Perhaps a single question will change everything: '''What good does it do me to dwell on my anger?' ...
The answer is often: It's of no use.
Anger won't get us to our goal. In my opinion, our true motivation is to be more peaceful, to live more serenely, and to build more loving relationships. Isn't that right?
If your answer is a resounding "YES," then holding onto anger doesn't serve this purpose.
I'd like to reinforce this with an example:
You've been treated unfairly at work. Someone is claiming ownership of a project you worked hard on.
You swallow hard. A turmoil begins inside. The day ends. That person leaves. It's like the matter is closed.
But you're still thinking, "This is unfair! I didn't deserve this!" Even while eating at home, it's on your mind. Your body tenses up. Sleep becomes difficult.
The truth is: the project is over. That person has moved on with their life. But you're still carrying it inside.
The wisdom here is this:
"This experience doesn't define me."
"What does this have to do with me now?"
"By what values do I want to act?"
This is not an escape. This is a choice of direction. Therefore, it is wiser to leave that moment there, to breathe, and to return to your values.
Here are some practical sentences for you;
🪷 "This feeling is temporary."
🪷 "My body will relax in 90 seconds."
🪷 “This experience doesn’t define me.”
🪷 “Who do I want to be?”
🪷 "What does this have in store for me now?"
Within us lies a very deep motivation: to live lovingly, to be at peace, to build harmonious relationships. This motivation is **the essence of who we are**.
Emotions are the nature of life. They come and go. We, on the other hand, are observers, witnesses, and beings capable of making choices.
With Love and Peace
Sibel Kavunoğlu
